progress.

 

My life is in a very positive space right now. Perhaps the best it has been in a while or maybe ever. I cannot remember a time when I have felt this good – mentally, physically, and spiritually.

I do not have everything I would like to have. I do not have my own apartment. I am still making just enough to survive every month and still have some fun. I do not have a six-pack. I still cannot run or jump because of my torn Achilles. I do not have a girlfriend. I have not been romantically involved with a woman in a long time. I have an idea of the life I want to build but I do not have a clue to how I will get there. Regardless, I am happy with where I am in life right now.

Living at home gives me an opportunity to spend time with my parents. As I get older, they are also aging. I am simply trying my best to enjoy this time I have with them. I still feel like their son but we have also developed a friendship. It feels freeing to have the chance to be open with your parents. We talk about anything and everything. From our family history, to our jobs, to me getting super drunk last night and needing to sleep all day today. My job is not something I would like to do for the rest of my life but for the time being, it is exactly where I need to be. It allows me to travel without spending my own money. It allows me to make enough to pay my bills, my student loans, and still have fun while putting a little bit of money away every month. It is also fulfilling in a way. The daily interaction I engage in with students and parents helps me feel like I am doing something positive for the world.

Yes, I am single and the single life often has pockets of loneliness. However, I am single! There are a lot of pros that come with it. There are times when I feel insecure about the fact that I am single. For some reason, I have this idea in my head that I should be picking up numbers and going on dates every weekend. A thought pops into my head as another weekend approaches, “I wonder if this will be the weekend when I will hookup with a girl”. I have not been romantically involved with a girl in a while. Is it strictly due to circumstance or is it partly my own choice too? It is probably a little of both. Nevertheless, I know I want something worthwhile and lasting. I do not want a one night stand. I can no longer waste my time or energy. I do not want something that will temporarily fill a void for one night. I want something to invest in. If it means that I have to be patient, then I do not have any other choice. All I know is when I see an opportunity, I am ready for it.

A six-pack has been my goal since I was fifteen years old. I have been chasing this goal for over ten years now. I still do not have one but I feel great about my body. It is not where I would like it to be but I feel strong, limber, and lean. Plus, I look great in my clothes. Tearing my Achilles might have been one of the greatest blessings I have had. The process of recovering from this injury has taught me how to stop relying on running to remain in good shape. I have learned different methods to staying lean while building muscle and strength. My knowledge about fitness and health has expanded greatly. I am not sure if I would have ever learned about intermittent fasting, ketosis, calisthenics, or yoga if I had not injured myself. I would probably still be playing basketball every weekend. Nothing against basketball, I love it, but I just feel like I had come to a standstill. Thankfully, I was forced to make a change. If you are not making the changes you should be, I truly believe that the universe will choose to make that decision for you. You will be given an important choice to keep doing the same thing you have been doing or to take a new route.

Most importantly, this is the best I have felt spiritually. It feels like nothing can disrupt my inner peace and calm. There are things that happen everyday and I am forced to decide if they will affect me negatively. Luckily, I have built enough strength and knowledge about myself to stop myself from falling into the trap. Whenever these circumstances arise, I rely on my daily mantras to get me back on track. Everyday is a battle but I am equipped to go into war. It took a long time to learn how to arm myself with the necessary weapons in order to make it out of the battle. The daily work I invested in myself is definitely worth it and I can see it all paying off.

Now is not the time to stop or slow down. I need to keep going. Now is the time to continue investing in myself. I try to keep this in mind, “grind in your twenties and build in your thirties”. I am trying my best to stay true to this mantra daily. As I continue to try to be the best version of myself everyday, the closer I will get to the life I want to build. There is a lot more to improve on. I will be implementing something new to my life – controlling my alcohol consumption during the weekend. I do not have a drinking problem (I know I know, that is what everybody says but no I am serious). I have a, “I am very disciplined during the week so when the weekend comes, I let loose but it hurts me because my body literally needs the rest of the weekend to recover so I do not do anything else but sleep” problem. I also know I have to separate myself from people who I have outgrown. I have to be more wise about how I am spending my time. Time is the greatest currency in the world. It sounds fucked up but I know who deserves my time and who does not. I will track how these changes affect my daily life. For now, I need to keep going. I am responsible for my choices. I am responsible for my life.

 

Yours Truly,

Ivan

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s